Better Sex In Later Life

Tips especially for women

Being well stimulated

The amount of vaginal stimulation required to elicit sexual response may increase as women age. This need for increased stimulation can be revealed by a general sexual unresponsiveness. Constant clitoral stimulation is required by some women to become sexually aroused. This can be accomplished through manual or oral stimulation provided by their partner. An alternative source of stimulation is a vibrator. Vibrators can supply constant stimulation to the clitoris and vagina, and can also be used to relax and stimulate other areas of the body.  For those who want to try a vibrator but are unsure where to start, we recommend the Pocket Rocket.  This little device is a perfect first vibrator.  It provides strong vibrations and is not shaped like a penis - which some men find disconcerting.

Being well lubricated

Some women have trouble producing natural lubrication as they become older. The glands that produce the secretions which aid comfortable sex begin to secrete in smaller amounts, or some not at all. Poor lubrication during sex can lead to irritation and discomfort, and can reduce pleasurable sensation. The best thing to do is to use sufficient amounts of lubricant during sex. We recommend Astroglide; an extremely slippery, pleasant tasting water-based lubricant.

New partners

If you are starting a new relationship in later life, unresponsiveness may be a problem due to nervousness or unfamiliarity with your new partner. The quirks, nooks and crannies of a new body must be explored and appreciated well before a couple can be completely comfortable. Often the sexual rituals appreciated with a former partner are not compatible with those of the new lover. If this is the case, then be sure to tell your partner what feels good to you. Open, specific and detailed communication right from the very beginning will go a long way in adapting to the new experiences in front of you.

How to change the ritual

Often couples who have enjoyed sex over the course of their lives have developed a sexual routine. When sexual excitement begins to wane, it may be a time to reexamine the ritual. You may choose to introduce new techniques or props into your lovemaking ritual to get some of the spark back.

Many couples experiment with a vibrator or adult toy.  These once taboo items are now becoming a part of mainstream adult sexuality.  They allow partners to relax as they provide intense stimulation.  A couple looking to introduce a vibrator should try the Diving Dolphin - a blue vibrator worn by a man but experienced by both partners. If you're looking for something especially for women, try the Rabbit Pearl.  This vibrator, featured on Sex and the City, is incredible. It provides intense vaginal and clitoral stimulation.  You won't find a better vibe.

For more information, consult our Better Sex section.

Timing is everything

Years ago, sex may have been difficult to schedule with busy homemaking, children and careers. Many couples would make love before they went to bed because it was simply the only time they had. Now it may be very different. For many older individuals the prospect of having sex just before bedtime is not a popular one. Many people are exhausted and are ready to settle in for a good night's sleep. Sex is not pleasurable when you are not relaxed. Try to find times during the day when you are well rested and alert. Some couples find that the early morning is the best time to make love, after a good night’s sleep. The early afternoon (an hour or two after lunch) may be ideal, perhaps indulging in a bath or shower afterward.

Places for sleep and places for sex

Your bedroom may be where you have to spend some of your most intimate moments. As you get older, your needs change. For some it may no longer be practical for you and your partner to share a double bed. For a partner with health ailments a bed of his/her own is sometimes necessary. If you find that this is a problem that affects your sex life then it may be best to have a larger bed that is for lovemaking and a separate bed for one of you. The addition of an extra bed does not mean that similar closeness during sex cannot continue. Rather, it should be seen as a place to sleep soundly afterward.

Simple techniques to take the stress out of sex

For many couples one of the limitations of their lovemaking is the health concerns of one or both of the partners. With a little bit of creativity in the bedroom most of these concerns can be overcome. You must examine your preconceptions about what lovemaking is. As we age, lovemaking may become a more intimate experience with a new emphasis placed on hugging, kissing and most importantly, communication.

Sex after a heart attack or other illness may require you to abstain from sex and all activities which cause exertion for some time. Always ask your doctor when it is safe to return to lovemaking. He or she may suggest that you practice less strenuous positions, and reduce the overall level of physical strain during intercourse. Tiredness and fatigue during sex may also cause interruptions in love making. The following are a few tips to help you make sex less stressful.

Atmosphere

A relaxing and calm atmosphere is a good way to relieve anxiety and stress. You may wish to create a serene mood with relaxing music and dimmed lights. If it is a room that has been used to nurse or care for an ill partner, move to a different room or change the décor slightly. A different environment can also help to break the routine and add a welcome twist to lovemaking.

Temperature

Make sure that the temperature is agreeable to each of you to increase the level of relaxation. A slightly cooler room may be more comfortable when things begin to heat up.

Taking it slow

A slow and steady arousal is a good way to ease into relaxing sex. Spend a great deal of time laying and talking, touching and caressing. You and your partner may wish to exchange sensual massages. Many books have been written on the subject. A massage is the perfect way to both arouse and relax at the same time.

Change positions

Find positions which do not cause a great deal of strain to maintain a low level of physical exertion. The partner suffering the heart ailment should be encouraged to lay down. This may require the other partner to be on top, in a superior position, or both partners can lay on their sides. Perhaps the most comfortable and relaxing position of all is the T position. The woman lays flat on her back while the man lays perpendicular to her, facing her on his side. He straddles her leg furthest from him and enters her softly. This position not only reduces stress, it allows the couple to see one another.

Talk to your doctor

Most importantly, follow the instructions given to you by your physician. If he or she has not specifically discussed the issue with you, don’t hesitate to ask. Any potential discomfort in talking about the issue is well worth the advice your doctor can provide.